Something incredible (to me) happened last night.
I opened up to D (IRL!) last night about these feelings. I’ve only ever “told” my sister… in GChat… about my EDNOS before a therapist. I didn’t expect a certain response. I had to confide in someone or explode. It hasn’t been brought up since. Said therapist advised I go on a diet (wtf???) and so I never returned.
"Why are you so in your head lately?"
And so I got really quiet and uncomfortable and looked at the floor and slowly told him. The migraine was keeping me from yoga. Yoga kept the insecurities away. Yoga was my “recovery” and I was feeling lost without being able to give it my all.
D’s response was better than I could have hoped for. I am enough. He already knew. He has his own experience he shared in return. No one has ever gotten me more. It’s terrifying. He could move back to the east coast and here I’d be, forever a west coast lady.
Yet my tears of anguish turned into tears of joy. Joy for my family and friends and yoga, I suppose. Love comes from a deeper place not in holding someone on some podium of perfection, but seeing their insecurities and struggles and understanding them. It’s in knowing the worst part about someone and it being okay.
I am more than okay.