A week back into my fat loss routine and I already feel so. much. better. My triceps and shoulders are sore and my back feels more limber (thanks, Vinyasa / Bikram!). This feeling is enough to keep the motivation up. This feeling of, “Oh, hey, I *can* still run a decent mile and I am *still* on my way to a handstand,” is incredible. I’m not worried about family dinner anymore (I think we’re having salmon anyway… YUM). I already lost the urge to drink alcohol. To be extra serious about this business, I’ll do a “before” in the morning… and just not show it to anyone for a while.
I was most successful in my fitness routine about 4 - 5 months ago. I worked out 5 - 7 times a week alternating between hot yoga (Bikram and Vinyasa style), running, and the 30 Day Shred. I ate anywhere between 800 and 1800 calories a day (depending on the occasion… Christmas dinner - no regrets). I had self control. I had ONE drink when I went out with friends. I said NO to sharing french fries (weakness numero uno). I ventured out and bought more fresh produce. I got obsessive about calorie counting. I didn’t have as much free time to be social. You know what, though? It worked. I had people asking me how I expected to lose ten more pounds when I already looked so slender (trust me, I was never “thin”). I felt great, I was happy, and I loved trying clothes on.
The trick is momentum. Oh so difficult to obtain but once you have it… it’s not so bad to maintain. You start to revel in seeing the scale drop, the pant sizes drop, and endurance / strength NOTICEABLY improving. This community on Tumblr helped me maintain and gain momentum. Yes, it can be a fucking bitch sometimes but it is for everyone and we are not alone.
I lost my momentum. In a heartbreak, I lost all motivation and got lost in a world of binge drinking, late nights, hang overs, processed food, insomnia, and self-loathing. It’s a vicious cycle, this self-loathing, but I think we’ve all been there. In four months, I gained back 12 pounds. TWELVE. All my new “fit” clothes that once were already on the way out as well feel snug and it feels awful.
Enough is enough. I don’t care if it’s obsessive or selfish, I deserve to be happy and to be fit. I owe it to myself to take care of myself and if people cannot understand this, I shouldn’t have formed such a bond with them in the first place. Back to calorie counting and… TUMBLR. You guys have helped me so much in the past. Please be there for me again. :)